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myaekingheart · 4 years ago

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137. Dishonor

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Storm clouds rolled in overhead as Rei made her way cautiously to the dango shop. Toshio peered up at the sky, tongue lopping out of his mouth as if he was anxiously awaiting the first raindrops. Truthfully, Rei didn’t want to do this. Not today. Not ever, actually. But Sekkachi had not given her much of a choice. She said what she had said, left her consolation gift, and Rei was required to confront her now. To interrogate her on this rapid change of heart. Had Rei’s scathing words really gotten through to her? Or was Sekkachi just attempting to stroke her own ego? Expecting forgiveness on the grounds of having given a thoughtful gift? Either way, Rei didn’t think she cared enough to find out and yet here she was, meeting her anyway. The unavoidable tug in her chest dragged her onward.

Sekakchi was seated in their usual spot when Rei arrived, a cigarette pinched between taut lips. She gazed out at the passerby, absentminded and forlorn. Rei idled in the doorway, clenching and unclenching her fist at her side. From behind the counter, Amai gently invited Rei to sit with a gentle nod toward the table. The look in her rosy eyes hinted that she was somehow emotionally invested in the situation, even though this had nothing to do with her whatsoever. Gritting her teeth, Rei made her way to the table, crossed her arms authoritatively, and cleared her throat.

“I was wondering how much longer you were going to keep me waiting” Sekkachi said. She frowned as she smashed the tip of her cigarette into the ash tray.

“Is that really all you have to say?” Rei snapped back. “Not even a ‘hello’? No ‘how are you’?” Rolling her eyes, she flopped down into the booth with great frustration, already regretting ever doing this.

Sekkachi reached for her glass of water, rolling it back and forth between her hands and letting the condensation drip down her fingers. “So is there a reason you called me here?” she asked. Her voice was far less abrasive than usual; her trademark sting had completely dissolved. Instead, she sounded strained, bitter, sad. Rei refused to let this fact snuff out her anger.

“Don’t you start with me” she snapped, pointing a harsh index finger in Sekkach’is face. “Listen, the only reason I asked you here was to formally thank you for the gift. Nothing else.” She gritted her teeth, forced herself to concentrate. “Honestly, if my own morals weren’t so damn loud, I wouldn’t even give you this much, but it didn’t feel right to not at least acknowledge it, so there. Thank you. Now fuck you.”

Long, calloused fingers traced the grooves of the wooden table as Sekkachi pursed her lips and absorbed the sharp, heartless gratitude. “You’re never going to forgive me, are you?” she asked softly.

“Why the fuck should I?” Rei snapped. “I’ve forgiven you way too many times, Sekkachi. This is the last straw. I’m through.”

“I know” Sekkachi whispered. For a moment, Rei even thought she saw sincere regret in her face. But no, that was impossible. A trick of the light, even. Sekkachi regretted nothing. Or at least nothing they spoke of aloud.

Rei leaned back in her seat, mildly satisfied with Sekkachi’s dejection. “I’m glad we’re on the same page then” she muttered. “Honestly, I hope you get to sit with this for the rest of your life. And I hope it eats you away inside every miserable morning you wake up.”

“It will” Sekkachi pursed her lips.

“Good” Rei spat. She eyed the door, began scooting her way out of the booth. “Well then, I’ve said everything I needed to say.”

“Wait!” Sekkachi called, suddenly desperate. She reached out to take hold of Rei’s wrist. Her eyes were wide with longing. A clap of thunder rattled the sky. “You only just got here” she said. “And the weather’s bad. At least stay and…and get something to eat.”

“Why should I?” Rei scoffed. “It’s not like you are.”

Sighing, Sekkachi reined in her mounting frustrated and muttered, “Fine. I’ll get food, too. Just…don’t go. Not yet.”

In all their years of friendship, Rei didn’t think she had ever seen Sekkachi so pathetic and needy. As much as she wanted to abandon her, to revel in the sight of her groveling in the mud, deep down Rei wanted to keep twisting the knife. It wasn’t often that she was given an opportunity like this.

The pair sat in silence for a long, torturous moment, speaking only to place their orders with Amai. She cocked a brow in suspicion when Sekkachi ordered something other than ice water for once in her life, but did not question it. The tension was almost palpable. Her emotional investment had since waned in contrast.

“So…” Rei finally said, attempting to sound as apathetic as possible, “What made you get that blanket, anyway?”

“Chikara suggested it” Sekkachi replied, eyes downcast. Rei froze. So she had spoken with Chikara after all. It made sense. Rei didn’t really consider Sekkachi capable of coming to terms with this on her own. Sekkachi took a meager sip of her water and continued. “I was so pissed about what happened, I called her up to see if she thought I was being irrational or not.”

“And?”

“What do you think?” Sekkachi snarked. A little of her usual flame lingered in her tone.

“I’m not surprised” Rei replied, suppressing a chuckle. “She always did know how to whip your ass back in line.”

Shaking her head, Sekkachi swirled her water in her glass and replied softly, “She made it very clear to me just how out of line I was. I just—I don’t know, there’s been a lot of shit going through my mind lately.”

“Oh yeah?” Rei scoffed. “Like what?” She doubted anything Sekkachi was facing was any worse than her own inner turmoil.

Sekkachi swatted at the air dismissively. “It’s not that important, shit’s just hit the fan on the home front” she said sourly. “Tenjikubotan recently broke up with one of her gentleman callers, and has been hysterical ever since. As if she doesn’t have dozens of men lining up for her on the daily, the dumb bitch. And Roru had to drop out of the chunin exams at the last minute. Turns out one of her teammates is anorexic or something. Passed out during training and had to get rushed to the hospital. So of course I’m stuck dealing with all of their bullshit.”

Rei cocked a brow, unamused but deep down involuntarily sympathetic. “As if that gives you a free pass to talk shit” she muttered.

“I said I was sorry!” Sekkachi shouted, gripping at her sapphire hair in frustration. “What more do you want from me? Listen, I’m still not totally happy about this but I know it’s not my place to say anything. I heard that loud and clear when Chikara ripped me a new one. But also, I just…I don’t want to lose you.”

Pursing her lips, Rei turned her attention to the street as she considered Sekkachi’s words. The rain was pouring heavily now, soaking the ground and fogging shop windows. Something uncomfortable took root in the pit of her chest. An uncertainty. “So what?” Rei finally muttered, bitter. “Still doesn’t mean I forgive you.”

“And I wouldn’t expect you to” Sekkachi replied. “I just want you to know that I admit I made a big fucking mistake. I fucked shit up. I never should have said what I did. I know you’re happy about this, and that this is what you’ve always wanted. I had no right to shit on your parade. I was just…” Here, her voice trailed off and her brown eyes dropped to the floor. Toshio tilted his head up at her from underneath the table.

“Just what?” Rei asked. She was nowhere near in the mood for suspense.

Sekkachi chewed her lower lip, shook her head. She hated to admit this. She hated feeling weak and pathetic and—“Scared” she finally answered. Heaving a sigh, she asked, “Remember that mission where you got captured, and the enemy was convinced you were knocked up? And you got so freaked out about it that you dragged me to the hospital to get a formal test done?” Rei nodded. “I told you that no matter what the result would be, I’d be there for you. I wasn’t lying when I said that. But I also knew deep down that you were fine. I didn’t think you were pregnant, and you weren’t. Listen, Rei, I want to be there for you. I don’t want to abandon you. I’d never be able to live with myself if something happened to you when I had my back turned. But I’m just…I’m fucking terrified for you. I don’t want you to end up getting hurt, or worse—”

“I won’t” Rei interrupted. Slightly taken aback, Sekkachi recoiled. Her eyes glistened, her mouth slack. This was perhaps the most vulnerable Rei had ever seen her and that alone scared her. Where was the sharp sting of her words? The abrasive apathy? Rei had underestimated just how badly Naru’s death had broken her, it seemed. Amai slipped their orders across the table, acting quickly so as to not interrupt their conversation. Rei gave a minute smile and nod as thank you, waited for privacy before saying more. “I know you’re scared, and I know you have every reason to be, but don’t you think I’m fucking terrified, too? This wasn’t exactly part of the plan, I-I didn’t mean for things to happen this way” she admitted.

“Do you regret it?” Sekkachi asked. She knew the question was likely out of line, but she needed to know regardless.

Sucking in a sharp breath, Rei shook her head. “No. I don’t regret it at all.”

Sekkachi nodded slowly, deliberating. “That’s…that’s good” she whispered. “That’s really good.”

“Do you regret it?” Rei asked, and it was not her own pregnancy that she was referring to but rather Sekkachi’s less than stellar reaction.

Sekkachi poked at her food, unable to look Rei in the eyes. She had ordered a big brick of honey toast, one of Naru’s favorites, that she knew she would never realistically be able to eat. Sitting before it at a time like this just felt right. Comforting. As if Naru was somehow here with them. She would’ve known exactly what to say and do at a time like this. Naru would’ve kept Sekkachi in check, clapped a hand over her mouth before she said something dumb and encouraged her to be more enthusiastic and involved.

Truthfully, Sekkachi regretted a lot of things. This—the circumstance at hand—just so happened to be one of them. “Haven’t I proven myself guilty enough?” she said sourly. “Rei, I accept it now. If this is what you want, I accept it. I’ll do my best to be there for you, and to help as much as I can. I just…I need you to promise me one thing.”

“What?” Rei asked. She was almost even too scared to know.

Sekkachi glanced around the shop once, twice, three times over as if she questioned the validity of their privacy. They were like actors on a stage, spotlights glaring, with an entire audience privy to their own personal melodrama. That was all well and good but this, this one fragile moment, they could not have. Squeezing her eyes shut tight, Sekkachi’s hand skated slowly across the table to take hold of Rei’s. Her grip was tight, clammy, desperate. Rei wondered if her illness had already begun to flare. And then she opened her eyes, locking tight on Rei. A hoarse whisper hung on her tense, quivering lips. “Just…don’t you dare die on me. You promise?”

Rei gulped back her own anxiety, squeezed Sekkachi’s hand in terrified solidarity. “I promise.”

#rei natsuki #sekkachi fumeiyo #kakashi x oc #the scarecrow and the bell #naruto #naruto oc #fanfiction

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hollymartinswrites · 5 years ago

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Chapters: 10/? Fandom: IT - Stephen King, IT (Movies - Muschietti) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh Characters: Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier, Ben Hanscom, Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough, Mike Hanlon, Original Child Character(s) Additional Tags: Fix-It, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-IT Chapter Two (2019), Domestic, Light Angst, Family Feels, Childhood Trauma, Adoption, Kid Fic, Adopted Children, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Marriage, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier Are Parents, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Minor Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Catholicism, Richie Tozier Has Issues, Extended Tozier Family, Medical Examinations, Stephen King References, The Shining References, Doctor Sleep References

Summary:

Eddie and Richie embark on the most terrifying experience of all—parenthood. Or, the author desperately needed a domestic, family fix-it for Richie and Eddie and it turned into a much longer, angstier exploration than I expected.

Chapter X: Richie and Eddie are taught a valuable lesson by their eldest daughter.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Eddie was silent for a long moment and Richie worried he was about to call the whole thing off when he suddenly nodded once. Richie exhaled a shaking breath.

“Okay,” he said and dialed the number on his phone. It rang several times, both men holding their breath, until a generic voicemail message began speaking. “Shit.”

Richie hung up.

“That’s definitely the right number?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah. Should we try again later?”

Eddie shrugged.

“You could leave a message, I guess,” he muttered. “I still feel weird about this. Maybe we should do a background check on this guy.”

“We’re not inviting him to our house, Eds.”

“Yeah, but people can find things pretty easily nowadays.” Eddie sighed. “Has Tess mentioned anything to you about this...shine thing lately?”

Richie shook his head.

“She’s been pretty normal,” he said. “She did cry the other day when you left for work but I think that’s because she didn’t sleep well the night before.”

Eddie ran a hand through his hair.

“And why’s it called a shine?” he muttered to himself. “What the hell does that mean?”

Richie shrugged.

“Sounds cooler than just saying, I have weirdass powers I can’t explain,” he offered.

Eddie sighed and shook his head.

“Let’s wait a while and then we’ll try calling him again,” he said. He made as if to leave the room when he paused suddenly. He turned back to his husband. “The other day, when you had her show me her...shine...she said she didn’t want to because she didn’t want to hurt my feelings. Do you know why she said that?”

Richie frowned and shook his head.

“I figured it was just because you’re her favorite,” he admitted.

“Shut up, she doesn’t have a favorite,” Eddie replied tiredly. “You gotta get that shit out of your head.”

“I know, I know, I’m just kidding,” Richie said, sounding like he was definitely not kidding.

Eddie leaned down and kissed him gently.

“You’re too old to let your self-confidence be dictated by a four-year-old,” he murmured.

“Hey, I accept the fact that I’m second-choice, Eds.”

“Well, you’re first choice for me, dipshit.”

Richie wanted to crack a joke about technically being his second what with Myra being there first but he was smart enough to keep his mouth shut and enjoyed Eddie’s kisses.

Laundry was one of the few chores that Richie actually enjoyed. Aside from the occasional pukefest (he had learned early into parenthood that kids apparently can only puke in the messiest, Regan-in-The-Exorcist-style manner), it wasn’t that gross, and it was therapeutic to see a full hamper emptied and neatly folded clothes on the bed, ready to be put away. Plus, the smell of freshly done laundry was one of the best smells in the world and he could always convince one of the girls to help him with folding—so long as he put the TV on as they did so.

He was carrying a bag of freshly done laundry down the hall, wondering if Tess would let him choose what to watch as they folded when he heard hushed voices from her room. He paused. Now, little kids did tend to speak aloud to themselves, especially when playing, but this sounded...different.

He gently placed the bag of laundry on the floor and took a tentative step closer to Tess’s door, which was slightly ajar. Concentrating, he could just make out Tess’s young voice, speaking excitedly to no one. Holding his breath, Richie took another quiet step closer and listened carefully.

“I know,” Tess said happily, “I saw. And I’m getting better at it.”

Richie frowned. No one was responding and unless someone had managed to break in and not set off their house alarms, he and his daughter were alone in the house. And Tess, like Lydia, always provided multiple voices when playing alone with their dolls. Now, she fell silent, as if listening to a response only she could hear.

“I know,” she repeated, “thank you. I’m doing so good.” She suddenly laughed. “That’s silly, Abra!”

Breathless and with his heart pounding, Richie rushed towards the door and abruptly pushed it open. Tess jumped, startled.

“Tess?” he asked, breathlessly.

She suddenly looked around her room and pouted.

“Papa, you made Abracadabra go away!” she exclaimed sadly.

“I did?” Richie said, gazing around himself. Her room looked the same as always. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she shrugged. She lifted her coloring book and showed him the page she was working on. “Like it?”

“Yeah, great job,” he offered gently. He sat beside her on her bed and tried to decide how best to ask. “So...you were just talking to Abracadabra?”

“Uh-huh,” Tess replied, stretching out on her bed and flipping to a fresh page to color.

“What did...what did you guys talk about?” he asked casually.

She shrugged.

“Stuff.”

“What kinda stuff?”

“Ummm,” she said, “school and my shine and stuff.”

Richie nodded. Tess reached up to him with a crayon. He smiled, warmed by her natural kindness, and took it, leaning over to color with her. They were both silent for a while, content to merely color the page. Richie swallowed before continuing, “So, um, what does Abracadabra look like?”

“Like a girl,” Tess replied, selecting another crayon.

“A girl like you? Your age, I mean?”

She shook her head.

“No, bigger,” she said.

“Like Lydia?”

“No, bigger, I think.”

“A grown-up?”

Tess furrowed her little face before shaking her head again.

“Okay,” Richie said. “And she’s nice to you?”

“Oh yeah,” Tess replied, smiling, “she’s my friend.”

“Good, that’s good,” Richie replied. He fell silent and watched his daughter color happily. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

She nodded.

“Yep.”

“Hey,” he said gently and, with his free hand, tenderly lifted her chin so her eyes met his, “I mean it. You never have to be afraid to tell me or you Dad anything. We love you no matter what.”

“I know,” Tess replied, a mildly confused look on her face.

Richie gazed at her for a long moment before nodding.

“Alright, good,” he said. “You wanna help me fold the laundry?”

“Can we watch Wizard of Oz, too?”

Richie huffed a laugh.

“Yeah, kiddo, come on.”

Richie placed the last folded washcloth on the towering pile of laundry and leaned back. He reached down and reclined in his seat, once again grateful that he had convinced Eddie to spring for the reclining couch last year (though Eddie had insisted they were for old people). Once he was comfortable, he lifted his arm and Tess snuggled up against him, her arm thrown around his middle.

She sighed happily.

“You good, kid?” Richie asked.

“Uh-huh,” she said. She squeezed her arm around him. “I like this.”

“I like this, too,” Richie replied, his heart overflowing with love. She’s finally warming up to me, he thought.

“Yeah,” Tess said. “This is comfy. You’re soft.”

That startled a laugh out of Richie.

“I’m soft?” he repeated, glancing down at his daughter.

“Yeah,” she said. “I like it. Makes you comfy.”

Richie grinned.

“So I shouldn’t try to lose weight and get muscles?” he asked playfully.

Tess looked up at him, frowning.

“No way,” she said quickly.

Richie laughed and leaned down to kiss his daughter on the top of her curls.

“I love you, kiddo,” he said gently.

“Love you, too,” she replied, then brought her finger to her lips. “Shh.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry, you’re right,” Richie said and turned back to the TV, where Glinda was singing. Richie wondered how many times he had watched this movie since adopting Tess but figured it was a lost cause. Well, at least it was better than most of the crap they call family films today.

Dorothy and the Scarecrow had only just met the Tin Man when the front door opened.

“We’re home,” Eddie called.

“In here,” Richie replied. Tess cuddled in closer against him.

Both Eddie and Lydia entered the living room, Lydia rushing ahead and breathless.

“Papa, I—ugh, this movie again?” she groaned.

“Tess helped me with the laundry so she got to pick what to watch,” Richie explained.

Lydia rolled her eyes. “We watch this movie all the time,” she pointed out.

“Lyds, I thought you were going to tell everyone what you got today at gymnastics,” Eddie said, trying to get her back on track.

“What’d you get?” Richie asked.

“Shh!” Tess hushed.

Lydia pouted as she glared at her sister. Richie sighed and picked up the remote, pausing the movie.

“Hey!” Tess exclaimed.

“Your sister has something to tell us,” Eddie said, raising an eyebrow at Tess, which only resulted in her pouting, too. “Go on, Lyds.”

Lydia, still a slight frown on her face, opened her rainbow tote bag and pulled out a colorful piece of paper. She held it out for her father and sister to see.

“What’s this?” Richie asked, leaning over as he read it.

“Says I’m the best listener,” Lydia mumbled, no longer excited.

“And most improved,” Eddie said.

“Hey, that’s great, kiddo,” Richie said happily. “You’re gonna be the next Simone Biles. Or even better than her. Not that it’s a competition or anything but...you know.”

Lydia smiled shyly and shrugged.

“Can we put the movie back on now?” Tess asked.

“How about you say congrats to your sister first?” Eddie offered.

She turned towards her sister.

“Congrats, movie now please,” she said quickly.

Lydia’s smiled disappeared. She turned towards Eddie.

“I told you she wouldn’t care,” she exclaimed. “No one cares!”

“Hang on, sweetheart, we all care,” Eddie said, reaching out towards her.

“Yeah, that’s awesome,” Richie insisted. “Tess is just being fussy.”

“Am not,” Tess shot back, annoyed at the insinuation.

“No, she’s being a brat,” Lydia declared.

“Lydia,” Eddie said firmly, “that was unnecessary. Your sister isn’t a brat. Apologize.”

“No,” she replied, suddenly sounding very near tears. “It’s not fair. She is so a brat because you guys love her more than you love me!”

Both men blinked at her in shock and Lydia clearly took their silence as confirmation because she continued, “You only care about Tess and her stupid shine thing. It’s just not fair! I’m special, too!”

“Of course, you are—”

“And she is so a brat, a big one!”

“Am not!” Tess insisted, now thoroughly riled up.

“Are so,” Lydia replied. She pointed at her sister, curled up against Richie. “You’re a big brat and Daddy only loves you because of your shine. That’s it!”

Tess instantly burst into tears, hiding her face against her father’s shirt and wailing. Lydia blinked and, before either of her fathers even had the chance to catch up to what just happened, ran out of the room, down the hall, and slammed the door of her bedroom closed.

Richie and Eddie stared at one another.

Over Tess’s head, Richie mouthed the words, “What the fuck?”

“Okay, so how do we handle this?” Eddie asked, his hands flying as he paced around the living room.

“How am I supposed to know?” Richie asked.

“You have sisters,” Eddie pointed out. “Wait, call your sister. See how she deals with shit like this with her kids.”

Richie sighed and glanced down at their youngest daughter, asleep on the couch. After a thoroughly intense crying session, only calmed down by both her fathers assuring her she was not a brat and they loved her equally and deeply, Tess had done the helpful thing and passed out. Frankly, Richie thought that most of the world’s problems could be solved by naps but they still had a pissed off Lydia to deal with and she was not one for naps.

“I think we need to talk to her together,” he offered.

“And say what to her?”

“I don’t know, that we love her?”

Eddie paused and ran a hand through his hair.

“I think we need to punish her for flying off the handle like that,” he said.

“Well, Tess kinda was being a brat,” Richie observed, wincing when Eddie shot him a disdainful look. “But yeah, okay, name-calling is a punishable offense.”

Eddie sighed, his shoulders slumped.

“Maybe if we can just get them to apologize to one another,” he murmured.

“Perfect, no punishments necessary,” Richie said, standing from the couch, careful to not disturb his sleeping daughter. “Come on, we’re in this together.”

“What, right now?” Eddie asked, wide-eyed.

“No, let’s keep our daughter in her room for a week, see how it goes,” Richie replied. “Yes, right now. Don’t be a baby.”

“Hey, no name-calling,” Eddie shot back. “She clearly learned that behavior from you.”

“Yeah, like you’ve never called me names,” Richie said, rolling his eyes. “You barely call me Richie.”

Eddie looked as if he was about to reply but thought better of it. He merely scowled as he followed his husband down the hall. After a moment’s hesitation, Richie knocked on Lydia’s bedroom door.

“Lyds, we’re gonna come in, okay?” he said gently. “We gotta talk.”

“I don’t wanna,” came the muffled reply.

“Well, that’s too bad,” Richie sighed. “We’re coming in.”

“But it’s my room!”

Richie couldn’t help it. He smiled.

“I tried that line with my parents many times,” he said as he twisted the doorknob. “It didn’t work in the 80s and it won’t work now.”

He opened the door and he and Eddie gazed at their daughter, sitting on her bed with a tear-stained face. Her arms crossed over her chest and her bag and its contents spilled across the floor. Richie felt oddly small in front of her angry, disappointed stare. Luckily, Eddie—already familiar with staring angrily and disappointedly—stepped up to the plate.

“Lydia,” he said gently, slowly walking towards her, “I know you were hurt but you can’t call your sister a brat.”

Lydia huffed and looked away.

“Look, she was wrong, too, and once she wakes up, we’re going to talk to her,” he said quickly, “but she’s still just a little kid. She doesn’t always know better.”

“That’s not fair,” Lydia muttered.

“I know,” Richie replied, rubbing his neck as he remembered his own tear-filled arguments with his sisters growing up. “I have a big and a little sister. Growing up, nothing seemed fair.”

Lydia glanced at him but quickly looked away, tightening her arms across her chest. Richie stepped towards her and sat beside her on the bed.

“Look, kid, it’s not easy being the older sister, I get that,” he offered. “And I know this family has been a bit...focused on Tess for the last few months but that’s just because we need to make sure you’re both safe and healthy. Not because we love one of you more.”

Lydia wiped at her eyes and sniffed.

“But sometimes,” she whimpered, “sometimes it’s like you guys don’t even know I’m here.”

Richie had had his heart broken several times in his life and each time he had thought it was the worst feeling in the world. Now, as he gazed at his daughter wiping away her tears, he knew all those other times had been bullshit. He fell silent, unable to put his troubled thoughts into words.

“Lydia, you’re our first born,” Eddie said, crouching down in front of her. “You think we’d ever overlook or forget you? Do you know how important you are to us? To this family?” Lydia hesitated before shrugging. “Your dad, sister, and I would be lost without you,” Eddie stated firmly, taking her hand.

Richie stared at the two of them, awed. Maybe it wasn’t Bill who had the way with words.

Lydia sniffed again and smiled softly.

“So we’re sorry if we ever made you feel that way,” Eddie continued. “But you need to say you’re sorry to your sister, too. And we’ll make sure she apologizes to you, too.”

“Okay,” Lydia sighed. “‘M sorry.”

Eddie stood and leaned down to kiss her on her forehead.

“Clean up your bag and come into the kitchen for lunch,” he said. “Rich, wanna help me?”

Richie blinked, stood, and followed his husband out to the kitchen.

“You handled that like a fucking champ today.”

Eddie glanced up as he tapped at his tablet.

“What?” he murmured.

“With Tess and Lydia,” Richie clarified, putting away their laundry in their drawers. “You knew just want to say to Lyds. I fucking froze.”

“You didn’t freeze,” Eddie replied. “You were good with her, too.”

Richie shrugged.

“I looked at her and just couldn’t...couldn’t find the words,” he sighed. “It was like looking at myself as a kid and I couldn’t even say anything.”

“Richie,” Eddie said, lowering his tablet and gazing at his husband, “you did good. You’re too hard on yourself.”

“I don’t know,” Riche mumbled. He looked over at Eddie and smiled gently. “Remember how nervous you were back when we first started looking into adoption? Look at you now. Fucking father of the year.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and smiled.

“You’re overreacting,” he said, shaking his head. After a few moments’ silence, he glanced up at Richie. “What are you staring at?”

“You, dipshit,” Richie replied, grinning.

“I thought we said no name-calling,” Eddie shot back, a smirk on his face.

“For the girls, yes,” Richie answered, walking over towards Eddie. He took his husband’s face in his hands and kissed him deeply. Eddie moaned softly against his lips and Richie was just about to move his hands to his waist when something started buzzing. “Fuck, is that your phone or mine?”

“Yours,” Eddie sighed. “Over on the bureau.”

“Ugh.”

Richie got up and hurried across the room.

“Whoever it is, tell them it’s after 9pm and we don’t take calls now,” Eddie said.

Richie grasped the phone and lifted it, his stomach clenching when he saw the unsaved New Hampshire number on the screen. He stared at it as it buzzed in his hand.

“Who is it?” Eddie asked.

Richie looked up at his husband, his hair disheveled and his face so sweet and inviting.

“No one,” Richie replied and placed the phone back down before returning to Eddie.

#reddie #reddie fanfic #it chapter 2 #richie tozier #eddie kasprak

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dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt · 6 years ago

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☀️💋😭

☀️ seeing the light of day

💋 gentle smooches

😭 cathartic crying

Em you are an actual goddamn CHAMPION sending me these prompts I love you so much thank you :’) :’) :’)

the comfort prompts are here and the whump prompts are here, send me some, if you dare >:)

It was hard to judge the passage of time when you were trapped both under ground and in a twisted half-dimension separate from Earth’s own. Vrox knew it was probably impossible, but he couldn’t help but try to put a name to the time he had spent with Jesse. It would have to be years now, but how many? One? Two? It could be a hundred for all he knew. A hundred years since Jesse’s fingers slipped through the bars of the cage to touch the slavering muzzle of the hound that was Vrox, a hundred years since Vrox returned the favour and found him sitting in a corner alone and terrified.

It had been a bad time for someone to die. So many new souls were flooding into Hell, it was easy to slip through the cracks. Hellhounds were a specific type of soul, of course, but even then, there were too many. Dante tried his best to welcome each new member of the pack, just enough time to explain the basics. He had to move on quickly from one to another, most likely more problematic hound - Vrox knew there were typically more assholes than calm ones (he should know, he was one of those assholes.) Vrox tried not to blame Dante for leaving Jesse alone and terrified in the dark. He really tried.

Somehow this new pup had found his way to the cages, arguably the most dangerous area he could have been in, because of course he did. Vrox couldn’t remember exactly the moment he first saw Jesse - a fact he hated - he had been in a cage for a reason after all. Trapped as a hound, too primaly angry to transform back to his more clear-headed form.

But he remembered the soft touch to his face, so wrong against the shape of the snarl there. He remembered those brown eyes through the blackened bars, remembered the light in them he hadn’t seen before. Remembered the two whispered words from the strange gentle boy, whispered and unafraid despite the violence in every line of Vrox’s body.

“It’s okay.”

The touch ran down Vrox’s muzzle as if trying to soothe away the snarl, and Vrox let it. The small smile he earned through the bars made it worth it.

“You’re gonna be okay.”

Vrox held onto that memory even after the strange boy had left, and the moment he could change back and convinced Alric he was alright to be let out, he went searching. There was something inside his chest, an ache, a question.

He found his answer in that corner, long legs folded tight to a too-thin body. The idiot had been nodding off sat up against a wall, even though there was a bed just a few feet away, because of course he had been. His eyes had opened the moment he felt Vrox’s gaze on him, watching him back for a long moment. There was that unfamiliar earnestness to his face that gnawed on that something inside Vrox’s chest. Open. Honest. Kind. Vrox didn’t know what to make of it. The boy, on the other hand, must have found something familiar in Vrox’s face.

“You’re that dog, aren’t you?” he asked. His voice was quiet, a little rough from whatever death he had suffered. The almost musical lilt to it made Vrox want to cock his head to the side and savor every word, even if one was mildly insulting.

Vrox just nodded, not really trusting himself to answer after so long in the cage. Last time he’d howled himself so hoarse he couldn’t speak for a week. (Dante, on the other hand, had been very vocal about how happy that made him, up until Vrox tried to break his ribs.)

“You gonna sit down, or… what?” The boy was still watching him carefully, but at Vrox’s blink a little smile shone in the dark. Vrox liked that smile. He liked it a lot. He slid down the wall to sit a few strides away from the new hound.

“My name’s Jesse,” the boy - Jesse - finally supplied.

Vrox finally said, “hey,” because he couldn’t think of what else to say. This was the furthest he’d gotten in conversation for a long time. His voice rasped like somebody had taken a swatch of barbed wire to his throat, but Jesse’s face lit up a little.

“You got a name, Mr. Hey?”

Playful. He was being playful, when he was probably scared out of his goddamn mind. He was trying not to show it. Vrox never thought he would be respecting such a scarecrow of a puppy, but here he was, wanting to protect him from that fear. Help him. The ache in his chest demanded it.

“They call me Vrox,” he said, voice already a bit smoother though he knew it never really lost that rough timbre.

“Vrox,” Jesse said. “Cool name.”

And because Jesse liked it, suddenly so did he.

“Hey,” Jesse said, snapping his fingers in front of Vrox’s nose. “You still with me?”

Vrox blinked back to reality quickly. “Yeah, you bet your ass.”

“Gonna tell me what that was about?”

“I was… thinking. About when we first met.”

“Ha.” That little laugh that was not really a laugh was so familiar by now, and it was so satisfying to Vrox that it was familiar, that he knew this crazy brave human-born boy who walked up to a pissed-off massive dog because he wanted to help it. “Sentimental.”

“Can you blame me?”

“Nah, guess not.” He shuffled the soles of his shoes on the loose gravel under them, glanced sideways at the hellgate Vrox had opened a while ago now.

“You okay?” Vrox asked, lowering his voice.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Great. Just… it’s just a lot, you know? Going back…”

Vrox nodded wordlessly. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like for him, to willing step back into the world that pushed him down, stripped him of everything that made him, him.

Tried to strip him of everything that made him, him, Vrox thought. Jesse had literally gone through Hell in two separate dimensions, and yet he still managed to be one of the most sincerely genuine people Vrox had ever been lucky enough to meet. Jesse was Jesse, and nothing and nobody would ever take that from him. Vrox wouldn’t let them.

“I’m with you,” Vrox said simply.

Jesse looked at him, and his fingers weaved themselves through Vrox’s. “Thanks,” he replied, very quietly.

Vrox leaned in, pressed the softest kiss to his lips, and stood, pulling him up by their joined hands. “Ready?”

“Hell yeah,” Jesse said, shaky but brave, so fucking brave. “Let’s kick Earth’s ass.”

Vrox loved him so much in that moment it fucking hurt. And if Jesse cried when he felt the sunlight on his skin for the first time in countless years, if Vrox had to pull him close and hold him and kiss his tears away, if they sank down together on the grass and simply existed as Jesse let out all the pain, fear, frustration he felt… Vrox still couldn’t have been prouder. of this strange, gentle boy who had taught him what love was.

#my writing #my OCs #Jesse #Vrox #and now their meeting-origin-story #:')#I got carried away with this #I love these two idiots so much #hypsiacrobasiphobia #asks

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deepstheeskimo · 5 years ago

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Cheat sheets

When I need to learn something, I use cheat sheets. Unsurprisingly, I get obsessive and maniacally cram it all in using key words, repetitively going through the information and forcing my brain to remember it. When revising at Uni I could get what I needed for a course exam condensed to about five pages. My god it’s time consuming but eventually I train myself. I do like a colourful description at this kind of point, something either mildly offensive or funny only to me. Or both. In this case I’ll describe my training as something between Jonny Wilkinson’s self enforced billion kicks a day and the sad way that bears are forced to pad around an enclosure under super hot circus tent lights. Exhausting but has the desired impact.

Anyway, back to cheat sheets. I have always used them and despite what one of my A Level English Language teachers said I have been able to remember the information. I can speak for ages about glottalisations, colloquialisms, dialectical difference and the bias of the print media. And I bet I could squeeze better grades out of the class than they did too. Most of those workshy buggers were too busy picking gum off the bottom of the tables to listen whilst others seemed to be under genuine duress caused by subconscious bodily processes.

There wasn’t a cheat sheet for how nations dealt with Da Rona and it’s bloody tiresome when Loz and Liam who think that The Conservatives and The Tories are different parties pipe up trying to grandstand and proclaim ‘how Borris should have done it’. How the hell do you know? We barely have any data and what we do have is either unreliable, uses different metrics or is downright wrong.

Those tools were happy to lick Chinese boots until the state admitted that their stats were wrong. In fact they were so wrong that Beijing then revised them upwards by *exactly* 50%, which then apparently made them gospel. Still, took the world three weeks after that to realise that maybe China wasn’t exactly Rachel Riley when it comes to numbers. Still now the ‘official’ stats show China having fewer cases than Chile, the UK supposedly having more deaths than India and Libya reckoning that they have had fewer cases than the Isle of Man. Thomas had never seen such a mess.

Regardless, if you buy the validity of all the stats and wanna play league tables then you’d say from ‘good response’ to ‘bad’ it goes summat like NZ and Australia, South Korea, a muddle of others, Russia, 15,000 leagues of shit, Brazil and the UK. Then some Monty Python intermission music plays to allow you to usher the kids out the room before they show the USA’s gorilla knife fight of a situation. The worst bit is, Trump’s gonna win the election, which is the whole point of this blog. This kind of situation is key to Trump’s cheat sheet.

At this point, we’re through looking glass. Nothing harms this fucker. Past Presidents would have gone for loads of the things he’s been up to. Usually it would have been a pretty much uncrossable line for a candidate to tweet at the early hours of the morning. Instead Trump’s like Mr Blobby charging round and causing mayhem. BLM, COVID, rallies, abusing opponents, telling the world that COVID’s a hoax and simultaneously an illness that’s under control and out of control. He’s also seemingly trying to kick off a world war. All within a month.

There is so much flack being sent out that we can’t focus on any one thing properly. Sometimes they say ‘Teflon politician’. Forget teflon, he’s plated in lubed up eels. In fact, he could have gone on primetime TV and murdered them all in variety of gruesome lubey sex acts and his base would raise a beer. He’s like when you don’t pay attention in the shower and for just a second your foot sips away and you’re aquaplaning towards the back of your head coming into contact with a tap.

Our real-life situation is just as terrifying as that last soapy situation. When you slip on the suds, the frozen ventricle couple seconds of hell-fear is the same as when Trump bulldozes (read: staggers like a collection of scrap metal someone made into a robot) into a press conference. We need to learn from last time. Every time there’s a new attack from his opponents you have to envisage his support hardening. It doesn’t matter if John Oliver gets lolz, what matters is the views of the white, small town-dwelling over 45s.

That is a sad reality, but Plato warned us. His work is pretty much a cheat sheet for people like Trump and everything, as ever, boils down to two of Plato’s laws*:

-People love a ‘strong man’ candidate -People love blaming ‘the other’

The more succinct version still is Tucker’s Law from The Thick of It. “If some cunt can fuck something up, that cunt will pick the worst possible time to fuck it up, because that cunt’s a cunt”. The worst possible time is on Election Day and so that’s exactly when liberals will grandstand and just enough of the rest of the US public will side with eel boy.

The more confident we become, the more horrible it’ll be on Nov 4 to wake up next to skeletor sniffing our hair having gone to bed with good ol’ uncle Joe. We’ll all go through the stages of grief but the point is that the human equivalent of a car stereo repeatedly playing the same 8 tracks whilst strapped to a racially insensitive scarecrow is gonna win again. Shit, I’ve just gone at him. I’ve fallen into the trap of abusing rather than engaging. Nobody is convinced by being slandered or being made to feel worthless because of their belief, especially when that hasn’t changed their mind for the last four years.

Maybe I’m wrong. I hope I am. But I wasn’t in 2016 and this time he’s got the power of a sitting President and Republican unity behind him. Lay heavy money on Trump IMO.

*Yeah sure he could have just said that people didn’t know what they were doing rather than writing an odd book about caves and beardy blokes with fake names, but

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erraticfairy · 8 years ago

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How to Make a Decision When You’re Depressed

Paper or plastic?

For here or to go?

Cash or credit?

These are simple questions that most people don’t think twice about. But to a person in the midst of a depressive episode, answering any one of these queries can be utter torture. I’ve sat there looking at a grocery cashier like a deer in the headlights, tormented by the choice between a paper bag and a plastic bag — as though the rest of my life depended on the decision between which kind of material would transport my eggs and granola to my car.

The inability to make a decision is one of the most infuriating symptoms of depression.

According to a 2011 study, a few things factor into the difficulty a depressed person has in making decisions.1

For starters, good decisions happen when people have the ability to evaluate alternatives and make judgments that are free of bias. In a depressed state, strong emotions and incorrect predictions of the future negatively impact a decision; the pessimistic thinking and heightened sense of potential disappointment in the outcome cloud rational thinking.

Listlessness and passivity affect decisions, as well as a lack of confidence, an inaccurate appraisal of personal resources (“I could never do that”), and a hopelessness about the future.

Depression, Decisions, and Regrets

Several studies have shown that depressed people are especially likely to regret their decisions, so the anticipatory regret handcuffs them and they can’t make future decisions.2 According to the study authors:

Anticipatory regret likely serves as a warning mechanism, protecting a decision-maker from bad decisions and prompting them to reevaluate possible alternatives. Inappropriate or excessive regret can thereby impair future decision-making.

Given the common tendency of people to experience more regret for active, rather than passive, choices, anticipatory regret may bias a person toward inaction. People may believe, irrationally, that by accepting a default choice passively they are avoiding making a decision and thereby minimizing their responsibility for the outcomes of that choice.

I know how painful any simple decision can be for the person who is assailed by a biochemical storm in the limbic system (the brain’s emotional center). You brace yourself for any sentence that ends with a question mark and requires a response. Panic descends. “Oh God, no, not another decision!” That’s why tasks like grocery shopping can be so laborious and humbling for a person in a depressed state.

Like the scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz, I have been without a brain for about six months now, trying my best to make decisions despite my inability to assess situations and facts accurately. I thought I’d share a few techniques that I’ve been using to help me arrive at a “yes” or “no,” “plastic” or “paper” response when my brain can’t help me.

1. Let Someone Else Decide

I know this sounds like the pansy’s way out. I reserve it for those times when I’m completely disabled by my depression.

Earlier this year, I had three weeks where any kind of minor decision incited so much panic in me that I couldn’t stop obsessing and crying. I was overwhelmed with fear and regret and therefore terrified to make even a simple decision. During this period, I removed myself as best as I could from every decision and had my husband decide for me.

This included big decisions – like starting transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) and determining how much to continue the treatment — as well as smaller decisions, like whether or not I was capable of going to my cousin’s wedding shower and how I would get there.

For three weeks, I essentially gave my husband the power to make most of my decisions, and told myself that I was going to have to trust him and then let go. Even if you’re not in crisis mode, it can be helpful to give your brain a break and have other people make decisions for you — especially if they aren’t all that important, like where to go for lunch or what day to meet up for coffee.

2. Flip a Coin

This is my standard way of making a decision when I’m depressed. I flip a coin so often when I’m in an episode that sometimes I get scared I’m turning into Rain Man and will soon be counting straws.

But it’s a clean, easy way to make a decision on just about anything when your brain won’t cooperate.

Sometimes for the bigger decisions, I will incite the help of my deceased father or God or someone else in heaven, asking for a little guidance, and then flip the coin.

Then the trick is letting it go and not continuing to flip, looking for 3 out of 5, or 7 out of 10, or 82 out of 100. Sometimes, though, you find out what you really want to do because you’re disappointed with the result — which you wouldn’t have known had you not flipped the coin.

3. Go with Your First Instinct

Researchers say that our first thought is often our best, and that we’re right to trust our gut instincts. A University of Alberta study published Cognition and Emotion found that the unconscious mind is smarter than we think, and can be a great motivator in working out future goals.3

Of course when you’re depressed, it can be extremely difficult to discern that voice: The whisper is usually crowded out by SOS signals. When we do hear it, though, it’s best to go with it and try to do our best to arrest the insecurities and anxiety that follow it, trusting that science says that our first decision is the best one.

4. WWXD (What Would X Do?)

In the midst of a depressive cycle, most of us have self-confidence issues. We’re quite positive that we will screw up just about anything left up to us, which then leads us to the inability to make decisions.

That’s why I sometimes have to ask myself, “What would Mike do?” Mike is one of the wisest people I know on this planet. He makes great decisions. Or “What would Eric do?” My husband is also extremely insightful, grounded, and makes good decisions. Sometimes I’ll ask myself, “What would my doctor say?”

For example, I was recently deliberating on whether or not to volunteer at an event at my kids’ school. I very much wanted to — I want to be the type of mom who can pull off being the class mom, work a full-time job, be in great physical shape, and cook a gourmet, organic meal for her family each night.

But I know that right now I’m extremely fragile, and my first priority has to be getting well. I think that Mike, Eric, and my doctor would all tell me that there will be plenty of years that I can volunteer for all kinds of activities at school, but for right now, I should concentrate on getting blood work done, swimming, trying to sleep as much as I can, and writing my column. I think they would also say that I’m fine the way I am, even if I’m never class mom or a gourmet chef.

References:

Leykin Y., Roberts C. S., Derubeis R. J. (2011). Decision-making and depressive symptomatology. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 35, 333–341. 10.1007/s10608-010-9308-0

Monroe, M. R., Skowronski, J. J., Mcdonald, W., &Wood, S. E. (2005)The Mildly Depressed Experience More Post-Decisional Regret Than the Non-Depressed. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 24 (5), 665-690, retrieved from http://ift.tt/2v8H46b

Moore, S. G., Ferguson, M. J., & Chartrand, T. L. (2011). Affect in the aftermath: How goal pursuit influences implicit evaluations. Cognition and Emotion, 25(3), 453-465. Retrieved from http://ift.tt/2uaeLXC

Originally posted on Sanity Break at Everyday Health.

from World of Psychology http://ift.tt/2u4RkiR via theshiningmind.com

#World of Psychology #child psychology

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psychotherapyconsultants · 8 years ago

Text

How to Make a Decision When You’re Depressed

Paper or plastic?

For here or to go?

Cash or credit?

The inability to make a decision is one of the most infuriating symptoms of depression.

According to a 2011 study, a few things factor into the difficulty a depressed person has in making decisions.1

Listlessness and passivity affect decisions, as well as a lack of confidence, an inaccurate appraisal of personal resources (“I could never do that”), and a hopelessness about the future.

Depression, Decisions, and Regrets

1. Let Someone Else Decide

I know this sounds like the pansy’s way out. I reserve it for those times when I’m completely disabled by my depression.

2. Flip a Coin

But it’s a clean, easy way to make a decision on just about anything when your brain won’t cooperate.

Sometimes for the bigger decisions, I will incite the help of my deceased father or God or someone else in heaven, asking for a little guidance, and then flip the coin.

3. Go with Your First Instinct

4. WWXD (What Would X Do?)

References:

Leykin Y., Roberts C. S., Derubeis R. J. (2011). Decision-making and depressive symptomatology. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 35, 333–341. 10.1007/s10608-010-9308-0

Originally posted on Sanity Break at Everyday Health.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/07/11/how-to-make-a-decision-when-youre-depressed/

#World of Psychology

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myaekingheart · 5 years ago

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44. Tsukuyomi

read the scarecrow and the bell on ao3

index | from the beginning | < previous | next >

“Do you feel sorry for your old village?” a voice asked. Two cloaked figures stood at the edge of Konoha’s borders, harbingers of disaster. His companion hesitated a moment, tilting his head skyward toward Hokage Rock. A churning took hold of his stomach, recollections of the past. And then, after a moment, an eventual answer.

“No.”

Rei strapped her sandals on and fixed her hair up into a ponytail as she sat on the edge of Kakashi’s bed. Her lips were drawn taut, her eyes staring ahead with laser focus. The door creaked open. “You’re up early” Kakashi said as he stepped inside. His hair was still wet from a morning shower, and he had yet to put on a shirt. The clock read 5:45am.

“You say that as if I’m incapable of getting up before noon” she replied sharply. “Besides, I have a lot of shit to do today.”

“Oh?” Kakashi asked, sitting beside her. He ruffled his hair, shaking droplets of water onto Rei’s forearm. “What kinds of shit?”

Rei rose from her spot and checked herself in the nearby mirror. “Naru insisted on having a girl’s day, so she’s dragging us to the hot springs. I’d rather not, but she insisted we needed some quality spa time and wouldn’t take no for an answer.” Something shook inside Kakashi at the thought. He and Rei had been growing mildly distant, but the image of her in the springs triggered something that had since been neglected. He tried to get his mind off of it. He didn’t want her to see the vulnerability of his imagination.

He stood up and quickly slipped his shirt on over his head, then zipped his vest up and pulled his mask over his face. “Wait a minute, don’t leave just yet” he said as he tied his headband to his forehead. Rei glanced back at him expectantly, hand hovering over the doorknob. “I’ll walk you there.”

Despite how much she hated the way he seemed to loom over her as they went, a strange feelng began to take root that made her glad he was beside her. Per usual, they displayed no public affection that coul reeal the true nature of their relationship, and yet somehow she felt as if his fingers were invisibly intertwined with hers. There was a sense of protection deep within the looming that both comforted and terrified her.

They were halfway to the hot springs when something finally snapped. A chill ran down Kakashi’s spine, and the faintest ringing of a bell struck his ears. He looked back over his shoulder and caught one quick flash of black and red, the faintest glimpse of a crimson eye. When he turned back to Rei, she was staring at him with widened eyes. Perhaps she had felt it, too.

“Let me know when you make it home” he said quietly, ducking behind a pillar so that no one could see them before they parted ways.

“I will” she said softly. That feeling, that fleeting anxiety, left her paranoid and unhinged. She recognized it as if from some distant dream. It didn’t make any sense, but when she thought too long about it, she was reminded of someone terrifying. Soemone who made her feel so inexplicably nauseous. Itachi.

Kakashi rested a hand on Rei’s shoulder, looking at her with a deep, intense sincerity. “Stay safe. Please” he said. She nodded once, and then he leaned down and tugged his mask down to slowly plant a kiss on her lips.

A sense of warmth enveloped her entire body, momentarily easing her worries. He lingered for a moment longer afterwards, and she looked in his eyes and whispered “You, too.” Her heart pounded as she watched him leave, her arms going numb, as if she could feel the elastic bond between them stretching too thin and ultimately snapping. She spaced out for a moment, caught up in her thoughts, only realizing after snapping back to reality that perhaps he had not alleviated her fears so much as added to them. An unshakable sense of doom crept over her, and she suddenly felt as if the entire world was destined to implode in a matter of hours.

“Looks like someone kissed and made up” a voice then spoke, startling Rei. She turned to find Sekkachi smirking at her, a towel slung over her forearm. Rei stammereda moment, face turning red, before socking her friend in the arm and stomping through the gates as she mumbled something along the lines of Shut the fuck up.

Kakashi stood outside the dango shop with book in hand, but truthfully he couldn’t concentrate. He searched for Sasuke, whose presence he requested and hoped would oblige. Inside, two cloaked figures brooded over their tea. Kakashi wasn’t sure what was to come of this, but he had be prepared for the absolute worst.

Asuma and Kurenai were a welcome distraction, smugly smiling behind his mask as he watched them approach. “You two seem to be getting along” he commented. The kunoichi’s face went bright red, stammering out a half-assed excuse. Deep down, Kakashi took great pride in poking fun at them. As if everyone didn’t already know of their secret romance. He hoped he and Rei weren’t nearly as obvious.

“What are you doing here, aside from catching up on your reading?” Asuma asked. “I thought you didn’t like the sweet stuff.”

“I need to buy something for a grave” Kakashi replied. It was clear through his tone and body language that something was going on; the couple before him exchanged suspicious glances. “Plus, I’m meeting someone here.”

Asuma hollered and slapped Kakashi hard on the back. “Finally got a girlfriend, huh?”

Kakashi looked back at him, unamused. “No” he said. “I’m just waiting on Sasuke.”

“It’s unlike you to be the early one” Asuma commented.

“So, what did you need to pick up for this grave?” Kurenai asked. “Is it for Obito?”

Kakashi clenched his fist at his side. “Yeah…kind of” he replied. His eyes trailed back to the cloaked figures, their bodies tense. Asuman and Kurenai followed his gaze just as Sasuke arrived, looking as agitated as ever.

“It’s not like you to show up early” the by spat. “What’s gives?”

“Well, sometimes things are just too important to run late for” Kakashi replied. A strange feeling echoed through the air, and Sasuke peered inside the shop. The table once occupied now sat empty, nealy full cups of tea still piping hot.

Sasuke huffed. “Let’s eat somewhere else. I’m not really in the mood for sweets.” Asuma and Kurenai met Kakashi’s gaze and knew immediately what must be done. They nodded once, then disappeared. The young Uchiha pursed his lips. “Alright, what’s going on?”

Naru leapt out of the spring grinning, grabbing a towel on her way to tightly hug Rei. “I’m so glad you were able to make it!” she exclaimed. Rei peered over her friend’s shoulder to catch sight of the others already relaxing: Yugao, Tenshi, and Mikazuki.

“I wish you would’ve told me this was an ANBU thing” Sekkachi scoffed, flanking Rei. “Or else I never would’ve come.”

Naru shook her head as she embraced her comrade. “But we want you here, too, Sekkachi! I want you here!”

All the blood drained from Sekkachi’s face and she quickly shoved Naru off of her. “Alright, yeah, whatever” she said, ripping her towel off and wading into the water. She refused to look Naru in the eyes, or any other part of her body for that matter.

“So I wonder who the new hokage is going to be” Mikazuki said, smoothing her dark hair back to reveal her third eye.

“Do they really have to pick so soon?” Naru asked. “Lord Third only just died, like, a week ago.”

“Konoha needs leadership” Sekkachi said bluntly. “Without a hokage, we’re gonna shit the bed. Especially after the hellfest that was the chunin exams.”

“I overheard in a meeting yesterday something about one of the legendary sannin” Yugao replied. “Apparently the elders had a long discussion about it.”

“Yeah, probably because it takes them fifity years to get out a sentence” Sekkachi said. Naru rolled her eyes.

“I don’t know much about politics” the blonde chimed in, “but I think whoever assumes the position should know what he’s getting into. Lord Third was a great man, this new guy will have some pretty big shoes to fill.”

As they prattled on about current affairs, Rei couldn’t help but feel mildly awkward around so many people. Not to mention the fact that she was naked in front of them. It didn’t matter if they shared a common anatomy. She felt exposed and vulnerable.

“Is it just me” Tenshi then spoke, “Or does anyone else here have the weirdest feeling like you’re being watched?” The girls looked to each other for reassurance, quickly realizing that they felt it, too.

Jiraiya fixed his telescope firmly against his eye and chuckled to himself filthily. “You’ve gotta love the Leaf village!” he shouted from atop a nearby building. He fixed his gaze on a brunette clouded in steam, sultry eyes and curvaceous figure. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say she fell straight from the heavens. “The girls here are off the charts!”

“Jiraiya” a firm voice then called. “You’re still playing the buffoon, I see…”

Kakashi squeezed his eyes shut and tried to deal with the pain. Another blade sliced into his abdomen, warm blood pouring down his body. Itachi smirked. “I wonder how much of this someone without the kekkei genkai can take.” That damn word kept pulsing through Kakashi’s head with every thumping heartbeat in his ears. Tsukuyomi. Tsukuyomi. Tsukuyomi.

No amount of downplaying it as “just genjutsu” could dull the pain. Another blade, and everything slowly went black.

Naru sighed happily and rested her head back against the edge of the springs. “I don’t think I ever want to get out” she breathed. “I’ve never felt so relaxed in my entire life.”

The caw of a bird echoed overhead. Yugao pursed her lips. “Well, sorry to cut your relaxation short, but it looks like we’re needed.” She pointed up at the sky, a warning sign circling overhead. A summon for the ANBU black ops and by the looks of it, things weren’t good.

Rei’s heart leapt into her throat. She jumped out of the spring so quickly she scraped her knee on the rocky ledge. A voice told her to be careful, but by then the damage was already done. No matter. It wasn’t important. Her mind leapt back to that feeling from earlier, the paranoia and the sense of impeding doom. She saw it. Kakashi saw it. Something was extremely wrong. She raced inside the bath house, got dressed as quickly as possible, and made a run for it.

Tenshi lifted herself out of the springs with all the finesse of a film star, shaking the water from her hair and sighing. “Clearly grace isn’t her strong suit” she said condescendingly as she watched Rei disappear.

Naru grimaced as she climbed out herself. “Not everyone can be Yukie Fujikaze” she commented, then turned and met eyes with Sekkachi. “Sorry to have cut things so short!” she apologized. “You’re more than welcome to stay if you’d like.”

Face pale and hands shaky, Sekkachi shook her head and began wading toward the bath house. “No use stewing alone. Besides, I’m not feeling so great” she said. Naru extended a hand to help her friend up, but Sekkachi refused to take it. She wrapped her towel around her body quickly and shuffled inside.

Naru watched her quizzically. I wonder what’s gotten into her.

Deep breaths. In…and out. This can’t be happening. Rei stepped foot in the hospital dizzy and disoriented. Three jonin turned toward her, fully aware that this wasn’t going to end well. Hiretsuna, the ditsy receptionist, bounded forward with a clipboard clutched to her chest.

“Hello!” she greeted. “What can I help you with today?”

Rei shoved her out of the way, staggering toward the others. “What’s happened? Where is he?” she asked. Her eyes were wide and unyielding, her hands trembling at her sides. Kurenai and Asuma exchanged confused looks, but it was Guy who stepped forward to apprehend their visitor.

“They’re checking him out right now” he said, placing his hands firmly on Rei’s shoulders. “But I want you to know that he didn’t go down without a fight.”

“Oh…oh god…” Rei whispered. The room swayed back and forth, and then she fell to her knees. Her stomach was doing somersaults, and she buried her face in her hands to hide the hot tears pouring down her cheeks. Guy knelt down beside her and rubbed her back in comfort.

After a few moments, Kurenai crept forward and whispered, “Guy, what exactly is going on here?”

Guy simply swatted her away and whispered back, “I’ll explain later.” As she recoiled, she watched Guy lift Rei to her feet, one arm around her for support, and walk her to a chair nearest the hall of triage rooms where Kakashi had been taken. He sat her down gently, then took the seat beside her, and continued to sit there with her until they received word of their friend’s condition.

Rei’s entire body was shaking. She was drowning in a sea of terrible thoughts. What if Kakashi didn’t make it? What if Itachi had killed him? She nearly vomited at the thought. Guy heard her gag and reminded her to breathe. She thought she had been. “I’ll kill him…” she whispered furiously. “I’ll kill him with my bare hands if I have to…I’ll slaughter Itachi.”

Overhearing, Kurenai and Asuma exchanged glances with one another, and then with Guy, who simply shook his head and averted his eyes. She was filled with so much rage, so much desperation. Her love for Kakashi was truly a wildfire. Just then, the door to one of the triage rooms slid open and a nurse stepped out. Rei leapt to her feet.

“What’s going on? Where is he? I need to see him” the redhead insisted.

The nurse was taken aback a moment, calming only when Guy came up behind Rei and placed a hand on her shoulder. “We’re just concerned is all” he reassured. The nurse nodded and a soft smile flickered on her lips.

“He’s stable” she said, but there was a looming sense of exception in her tone. Rei knew not to get her hopes up too high yet. “However, the effects of the genjutsu that was used on him have rendered him completely comatose and I’m afraid there’s nothing more we at this hospital can do. We will need the help of an expert medical specialist in order for a full recovery.”

The woman’s words lingered in Rei’s brain, swirling around and taunting her. Full recovery. Comatose. Nothing more we can do. Nothing more…

“You son of a--!” Rei erupted, reaching for the nurse. The woman gasped and jumped backward just as Guy lurched forward to hold Rei down. “You’re lying! I know exactly how this shit works!” Rei screamed, tears streaming down her face. “He’s going to be fine, I know he is! He has to be! You’re just not trying hard enough!”

“Rei” Guy shouted sternly, trying to restrain her. It was no use. She squirmed in his arms and wailed maniacally, trying to elbow her way out of Guy’s grasp. People in the waiting room were beginning to stare and grow uncomfortable. Asuma and Kurenai ducked into the hallway to avoid the association. After a solid five minutes of fighting, Rei finally broke down. She fell limp in Guy’s arms and wept pathetically, pounding her fist against the ground. Once he knew she was done being destructive, he loosened his hold and rubbed her back, trying to tell her “Alright, Rei, just try to calm down. Everything is going to be fine.”

But it wasn’t fine. Kakashi was comatose. What if he never woke up? She couldn’t handle it. Konoha police officers arrived ready to respond to the commotion, but Rei refused to move.

“Ma’am, we can do this the easy way or the hard way” one officer said. “Come with us willingly and there won’t be any issues.”

She shook her head. “No…please, just…just let me see him” she whispered. The nurse glanced to the officers and then back to the hysterical girl on the floor, and then to Guy who looked up at her with an expression that said she shouldn’t dare refuse. With a sigh, the nurse dismissed the officers and slid the triage door open.

Rei shuffled inside slowly, fearfully. Guy stayed right behind her, a reassuring presence in an otherwise hellish escapade. And then she saw him. He looked so peaceful, so blank. She squeaked and clapped her hand over her mouth, averting her eyes. “D-do you…do you think he’ll ever wake up?” she asked. She inched nearer, almost terrified as if he was a corpse, and rested her hand against his warm cheek. A part of her expected his eyes to creak open and for him to smile up at her, as if her touch alone was some magic antidote like in childhood fairytales, but she received no response. He was out cold.

The nurse bit her lip and replied in false cheer “Well, there’s always hope!”

Hope, my ass, Rei thought to herself. She didn’t want hope, she wanted answers. Or really, if she was wanting things, she wanted Kakashi to be okay. Conscious. Unaffected. She closed her eyes and inhaled sharply. Then, turning to Guy, asked, “Can you do me a favor?”

Kakashi’s apartment felt stuffy, suffocating. Guy rummaged around for the clothing and books Rei had requested she bring, Asuma and Kurenai’s eyes on him all the while.

“Guy, do you care to explain what exactly happened in the hospital?” Kurenai asked.

Guy paused a moment, knowing he wasn’t really at the liberty to divulge such information, but then decided that this was a special circumstance and they had the right to know. “That woman who showed up today and caused a scene was Rei Natsuki. She’s in the ANBU black ops and has known Kakashi her entire life. And she’s his girlfriend.”

There was silence as the two jonin tried to process this. “He never said anything” Kurenai said thoughtfully. “I wonder why not.” Guy looked back at her then with an expression on his face as if to say Maybe for the same reason you two don’t, and the kunoichi immediately shut up.

As Guy peered into Kakashi’s closet, something glinting in the sunlight caught his attention. He moved the clothing out of the way to find tucked away in a box was a tiny gold ring. He understood what was going on immediately, and was overcome with equal parts excitement and terror. Kakashi had big plans, but there was no way for him to fulfill them if he never pulled through.

Just then, the door creaked open and suddenly a voice boomed through the room. “What the hell is going on here?” Sasuke insisted. It was clear something was definitely off. There was no reason for three jonin to be rooting around Kakashi’s apartment.

Guy poked his head out of the closet with a grin pasted on his face. “Not much, really!” he lied. And then their plan faltered.

The streetlights flickered on outside as the sky gradually darkened, but Rei refused to let her eye shut. She couldn’t risk falling asleep should Kakashi wake up. Deep down, however, she knew he wasn’t going to. She tugged back the blankets so she could reach under and lace her fingers with his, desperate for just a spark of response.

How could someone be so cold? So heartless? Sure, Itachi didn’t kill him but the damage was already done. In a way, this was even worse. At least with death, it was definite and quick. There was no uncertainty to it. You’re just gone. But this…this waiting was torture. It hadn’t even been a full 24 hours yet and Rei already felt as if she was going to lose her damn mind. And worse than that, what if all of her waiting was for nothing? No matter how much she tried to shove away the negative thoughts, they always weaseled their way back in. If he was to go, she swore she would have nothing left to live for. She couldn’t stand the thought of going on without him. She would take her own life if it came to that, she was sure of it.

Still, there were so many things they had yet to do. So much life ahead of them. Was this really where their future was meant to end? “Please don’t do this” she whispered, despite knowing he likely couldn’t hear. “Whatever you do…do not leave me this.” She lowered her voice to a growl, begging him to wake up, then punched the floor. It was no use.

As she drifted off, all she could think about was how petty she had been the past few weeks. The hokage’s death had stirred something in her, an anxiety about human mortality and a desperation to defeat death. She had felt so helpless, and she fought every instinct in her body to dwell on it but couldn’t bring herself to stop. She remembered how harsh she had been to Naru, insisting that there’s no use focusing on the past because there was nothing more that could be done. More than anything, however, she remembered her argument with Kakashi. Why was she so damn angry about his daily visits to the cemetery? Perhaps there was something understandable hiding in there, some sort of healthy coping mechanism, but the more she thought about it sitting there beside her unconscious love, the more she realized how stupid she had been. Realistically, she knew she was just projecting. She, too, was shackled to the past with no way of escaping. And now it all would cost them their future together.

In her sleep, she found herself in a pastel paradise, surrounded by clouds and stardust. Where am I? she thought, reaching out toward the abyss. It stretched on and on; she could look but could not touch. And then there was a voice calling her name. She recognized it immediately. She whipped around to find Kakashi approaching her, smiling, maskless, but something was wrong. What’s going on? Where are we? She asked. This is death, he replied. This is the nothingness. She reached out to take his hand but he, too, was unreachable. From the mist then approached Rin and Obito, each taking one of Kakashi’s hands in theirs. They were taking him away from her. This was the end of everything. In an act of desperation, she ripped the kanzashi from the base of her ponytail and made a vertical slice all the way up her forearm. The blood trickled down to the floor, creating a neat little puddle at her feet. Take me with you. I belong to death now. Rin and Obito shook their heads in disdain, beginning to fade away along with Kakashi. No…this isn’t right. Don’t leave me…you can’t leave me! She fell to her knees, covered in her own blood, wailing. Don’t leave me….don’t leave me, Kakashi…don’t leave…

She snapped awake to a figure looming overhead, her face blocked out by the sunshine backlight. Immediately on the defensive, Rei leapt to her feet and whipped her kanzashi out only to be met with the startled gaze of a nurse. “W-what time is it?” Rei gasped, wiping the sweat from her brow.

“It’s 6 in the morning. I’m just here to check his vitals” the nurse explained meekly. She should’ve clocked into work an hour ago but quite frankly, she didn’t give a fuck anymore. She alid her head back down on the edge of the bed and sighed, watching Kakashi’s chest rise and fall slowly.

That afternoon, Guy arrived with Asuma and Kurenai to see how their friend was doing. Kurenai looked around the room with great concern, daring to ask, “Have you been here this entire time?” Rei only nodded. Then, “Have you left his side at all?” Rei shook her head. The saddest look then crossed Kurenai’s face as she turned to Asuma, a silent call that something had to be done.

“Is there anything we can do?” Guy asked, standing beside the redhead. He hated seeing Kakashi like this, almost as much as Rei did. If only there was some way he could snap his fingers and will Kakashi back to life, but he didn’t have that power in him. He could only do the same as Rei: sit and wait.

“No, I-I’m alright, but thank you, Guy” Rei muttered. She reached out and patted his forearm, and in that ation they all saw the way her hand shook. Between that and the pallor of her face, a sudden realization struck Kurenai.

“Rei, have you eaten anything in the past two days?” she asked. The redhead averted her eyes. She didn’t want to answer for fear of facing shame in the truth. Her silence, however, was answer enough. Kurenai drew her hand to her mouth and sighed. She tugged Asuma’s sleeve and then said, “We’ll be back in a little while.” Rei already knew exactly what she was doing, but she didn’t have the energy to protest. She supposed that if Kurenai was willing to go out of her way to bring her food, it would be nothing short of disrespectful not to eat it.

And then they were alone, just Guy and Rei and an unconscious Kakashi. They sat in silence for a long while, the bushy-browed ninja studying his rival’s girlfriend. He watched the way she sat, how her back was arched and her eyes heavy from exhaustion. He doubte she had been sleeping very well, if at all. He admired her dedication, however. A small smile tugged at his lips as he patted her on the back. “I know this hasn’t been easy for you, Rei, but even when he’s unconscious I’m sure Kakashi knows what a great job you’re doing keeping him company!”

For a moment, he was met with no response. And then, slowly, Rei turned to look up at him with teary eyes. “Thank you, Guy…” she whispered hoarsely before finally breaking down. She didn’t want to cry, especially after the scene she caused yesterday, but she couldn’t help herself. She was weak and this was all far too much for her to handle.

Kurenai and Asuma returned a few hours later with a to-go carton of Ichiraku and some gyoza, which Rei happily scarfed down. The three of them stayed a little while longer, but one by one as the streetlights outside flickered on, they left and once again she was all alone.

In the darkness, she took solace in the fact that no one was watching her. Her back ached from sitting up for days on end, and her eyelids were growing heavier. With a sharp inhale, she tugged the covers back and carefully climbed into the hospital bed, curling up beside her boyfriend. She cupped his cheek and stroked the hair out of his face, studied the contours of his body, and held his hand tight against her chest. “I don’t know if you can hear me” she whispered, “but it’s getting pretty lonely here. I-I know you’re right here next to me, but…I miss you. I miss you being awake. I wish…I wish you would just come back to me. Please…please come back to me.” She watched him for a moment longer, resting her head on his chest, until finally she couldn’t restrain herself any longer. Her eyes drooped shut and she fell fast asleep.

Weeks passed with no change. Rei could hear the murmurs of nurses in the hallway, as if they were betting on how much longer she was going to hold out. Joke’s on them, she thought to herself. The only way I’m leaving without Kakashi is on a gurney to the morgue.

“I’m really beginning to worry about you” Naru said one afternoon when she stopped by. “The whole world hasn’t stopped turning just for you, you know. Life is still going on out there.”

Rei rolled her eyes. “I don’t care about any of it” she spat. “Doesn’t mean a thing unless Kakashi is okay.”

Naru pursed her lips, then sighed. “You know, they threatened to remove you from the black ops if you don’t come back to work soon.” She knew Sekkachi had threatened her if she so much as dared to tell Rei what the elders had said, but Naru thought she had a right to know. She needed to know.

Shaking her head, Rei replied, “What’s the point? There’s no hokage to take orders from. Let the village elders die mad about it. They’re old enough, it probably wouldn’t take very long.”

“Rei!” Naru’s face turned bright red. She crossed her arms and approached the doorway. “I know this is a rough time for you but you have to keep your head on your shoulders. I think staying here for weeks on end has screwed with your head. You need to go home and get some rest. At least for tonight. Shower, get some clean clothes. Sleep in an actual bed.”

Rei shook her head. “No” she insisted. “No, the minute I leave will be when he finally wakes up and I can’t…I can’t risk that.”

No matter how much she protested, Naru assured her that Kakashi was well taken care of and Rei had no room to protest. If anything should happen, the hospital would surely notify her, right? She was the closest thing he had to family anyway, even if they weren’t related by blood or marriage. She was still responsible for him in a way. After all, she still held true to the mission Lord Third had assigned to her two years prior. Recent events meant nothing for her duty to Kakashi. The thing that finally convinced her to go, however, was Naru’s insistence that it would be what Kakashi wanted.

“Can you imagine how bothered he would be to find you neglecting your own self care for him?” she asked. “I’m sure he would appreciate you staying by his side all this time, but not at the expense of your own wellbeing. He would want you to go home, to get some rest, and then you can come back when you’re fresh and clean, alright?”

That logic was hard to argue with, and Rei almost resented Naru for pulling such a dirty trick. She notified the nurse at the station that she would be going home for the night, and that she would return early the next morning, and then went on her way feeling guilty all the while.

So long as she kept herself busy, it wasn’t so bad. She took her time showering, scrubbing her skin hard until it shined red and shampooing once, twice, three times over. She dug through her dresser and tried on five different outfits before landing on the right one. And then, when there was nothing else for her to do, she picked up a book. She knew it wouldn’t be much help, and that books always ended up serving as vehicles for a wandering mind, but at least it was something.

Settling into her desk chair, she cracked open a novel she had only started years ago but never read past page 25. As she did so, the bookmark she had placed in there years earlier slipped out and fluttered into one of her drawers. She paused, staring despondently at where it fell, then propped her book open with her forearm as she rummaged around to find it. It was a simple scrap of paper, it didn’t need to be this difficult, and yet as she searched, her fingers found something quite different. She pressed her hand against the cold steel and a shiver ran down her spine. She let her book slap shut, instead devoting all of her attention now to this long lost gem. Rei slowly removed it from the drawer, turning it over in her hands. It was the kakute she had received when she was six, the present she was going to give Kakashi for making jonin. She never did muster enough courage to give it to him. Now she was kicking herself for even forgetting about it. Grandma Teiko would be genuinely disappointed.

As she stared at it, she wondered if it would be well-received. She wondered what Kakashi would think of it, and if he would be more accepting of it now than when he was eight. She thought perhaps so. He was more mature now than he was back then. He had faced far more adversity, and so she assumed he would likely place a higher value in things of sentiment than before. The longer she looked at it, the more an energy began to swell inside of her. She never did officially congratulate him on becoming a jonin at all. What a terrible friend, nonetheless girlfriend. They had been absent for so many moments in one another’s lives, filled with so many missed opportunities. Well, no more. Rising from her seat, Rei tucked the ring into the pouch on her backside and made a firm decision. If and when Kakashi was to wake up, no matter what, she would give him that ring. No more forgetting. No more waiting. It was now or never.

As she made her way to the hospital the next day, she took the long route for no reason in particular. Her anxiety about Kakashi had made it hard to sleep the previous night, and she was eager to get back to him, but at the same time had no idea when he would wake up and she missed the fresh air. Besides, she hadn’t seen her family since before the chaos of the chunin exams and she had heard Kaminoki got hit hard. It was only fair that she make sure everyone was okay.

Grandma Teiko immediately noticed something strange in Rei’s eyes and pulled her aside for a private conversation. “Something’s going on, I can tell. What’s on your mind, girl?” she asked. Rei didn’t exactly want to go through the entire spiel but knew Grandma Teiko of all people deserved an explanation. She sucked in a deep breath and bravely tried her best to explain the situation without crying. She failed and was in tears by the time she explained Kakashi was comatose. Teiko wrapped an arm around her granddaughter and cooed at her softly as if she was a child who had scraped their knee. “Everything will turn out fine” she reassured.

“But how do you know?” Rei asked. On one hand, she understood that Grandma Teiko was trustworthy and, in a way, somewhat clairvoyant, but at the same time a part of her found it hard to feel confident in a happy ending. Kakashi had been out of it for three weeks with no signs of improvement.

“I just know these things. What? Have you stopped trusting the words of an old woman?” Teiko replied.

“No, I just—” Rei started, but her grandmother interrupted.

“Besides” she started, “I’ve heard rumors that they’ve finally found the fifth hokage.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Rei asked. Not that she was ungrateful for the news, of course. Konoha had gone far longer than it needed to without a proper leader, and she hoped that whoever had been appointed would fulfill the position well. But that meant nothing for the fate of Kakashi. Or so she thought.

“Maybe if you didn’t speak so soon, you’d let me finish telling you!” Grandma Teiko snapped. Rei blushed and muttered an apology. “I’ve heard rumors that the new hokage is the sannin herself, Tsunade, who, if you don’t already know, is an expert medic ninja. She can fix Kakashi right up in no time!”

Rei’s heart swelled up into her throat. Was it really that easy? All she needed to do was track down Tsunade and her problems would be solved? This was too much. There was no way it all was that simple. But if it was… It was a chance she just had to take. She bid Grandma Teiko a fond farewell, hugging her tightly and thanking her for the intel, before rushing off to see what else she could find about this Tsunade. She skirted around corners and eavesdropped behind storefronts in hopes of overhearing something—anything—but nobody seemed to have any solid information. At least nothing like Grandma Teiko provided. After roughly an hour of running and searching, she had grown incredibly weary and was almost about to give up when she ran into none other than Might Guy. Perhaps he would know something.

“Tsunade?” he asked. “Naruto’s been off searching for her with Jiraiya these past few weeks and turns out they found her. She’s a legendary medic ninja, and I’m going to ask her to see if she can fix Rock Lee!” It took Rei only a couple seconds to remember who, exactly, Rock Lee was but then memories of the chunin exams flashed in her mind. Perhaps Guy had taken the idea of a protégé a little too far, but no matter. She remembered at least overhearing of the damage the young ninja had sustained in the fight, and she truly hoped he would be alright.

“Do you think she can heal Kakashi, too?” Rei asked. She tried not to let her hope bubble up too high.

“I don’t see why not!” Guy enthused. “If I’m not mistaken, I’m sure Naruto had already insisted she work her magic on him already.” Before he could say another word, Rei leapt up to hug Guy tightly and thanked him over and over again, then rushed off to the hospital with newfound purpose. She didn’t want to think of what may happen if Tsunade was unable to fulfill her promise and fix him. If she was as good as everyone said she was, she would have no excuse to fail in the first place. Rei greeted the nurse on duty in a flash as she raced into the room to find Kakashi laying exactly as he had been all that time. It was eight in the morning, and she wondered when Tsunade would arrive. No matter, she was willing to wait as long as it took.

She seated herself beside Kakashi’s bed and kissed him on the cheek, before pulling the kakute from her pocket and looking it over. She knew logically that he was totally unconscious and that there was no way for him to know what she was doing but still, removing it in front of him even now felt forbidden and like ruining an anticipated surprise. Soon, she thought to herself, then rested her head on the bedside and involuntarily passed out.

When she came to, she heard an unfamiliar voice overhead. “And who is this one?” a woman asked, and Rei knew immediately she was speaking of her.

“This is Rei Natsuki, Kakashi’s girlfriend” the nurse explained. “She’s been here by his side the entire time he’s been in the hospital. She refused to leave him.”

“I see…” the woman said. Rei blinked awake and watched as this strange woman skirted around the hospital bed and began looking Kakashi over.

“Hey, what the fuck do you think you’re doing? Get away from him!” Rei shouted, rising from her seat.

“Excuse me?” the woman asked, gritting her teeth. She was, admittedly, beautiful. And also, erm…well-endowed. “Well, it’s nice to see you’re finally awake” the woman scoffed.

The nurse rested a gentle hand on Rei’s shoulder in an attempt to ease her, whispering, “This is Lady Tsuande, the one you’ve been waiting for.” The moment her name rolled off the nurse’s lips, Rei’s face went bright red. She sank back down into her seat and apologized quietly. The last thing she needed was to ruin Kakashi’s chances of ever waking up solely because she had a short fuse and was quick to judge.

Rei watched with wide eyes as Tsunade smirked and then rested a hand over Kakashi’s forehead. A pale green light pulsated from beneath her palm, healing chakra. And then came the one thing Rei had been waiting for all this time. Kakashi furrowed his brows, flexed his fist. A soft groan escaped his lips, and then his eyes creaked open.

“There he is” Tsunade said triumphantly.

“Huh…? W-what’s going on?” Kakashi slurred, rubbing his head as he sat up. He looked to Tsunade, then her assistant Shizune, and then finally to Rei at his bedside. She stared at him with wide eyes, her mouth slightly ajar, on the verge of tears. “Rei…”

“Kakashi!” she shrieked, then lunged forward and wrapped her arms around him tightly. He could feel her hot tears spilling down her cheeks and onto his back.

“How long have I been out of it?” Kakashi asked, wrapping an arm around Rei as she wept into his shoulder.

“About three weeks!” the nurse chirped. Kakashi’s face went pale. No wonder Rei is so excited to see me. She probably thought I was dead.

As Rei pulled away, Kakashi’s eyes instantly darted to her balled up fist. Her hand was covered in blood. “Rei, what happened?” he asked, gently taking her hand in his. Her cheeks blushed, and she averted her eyes, remembering the kakute.

“I must’ve fallen asleep holding onto something” she replied sheepishly.

“Like what? Broken glass?” Tsunade asked, taking Rei’s hand from Kakashi. She pried her fist open to find the little steel ring in her palm, the spikes having stabbed Rei in her sleep. The sannin arched a brow before instructing Shizune to take Rei to get her hand cleaned up and bandaged. As the brunette carted her to the other end of the room, footsteps pounded down the hall and in burst Naruto Uzumaki.

“So were you able to do it?” Naruto asked. “Did you fix Kakashi-sensei?”

“Well” Tsunade started, “Physically, yes, but I doubt his pride is anywhere near perfect.” Rei’s ears perked up, honing in on the conversation as Shizune cleaned her wound. Tsunade shook her head and placed her hands firmly on her hips. “Disgraceful” she sighed. “To be taken out of the game by two low-life punks like that. I thought you were supposed to be the best.”

Rei gritted her teeth, clenching her fist. Shizune cleared her throat to attract attention back to her. “Um, Miss Natsuki…? You’re making it difficult for me to bandage you up…” she said. Rei relaxed her hand and muttered a half-hearted sorry. Who did this Tsunade think she was? Belitting Kakashi’s abilities like that. Kakashi was the best. Itachi was likely just manipulative and strong. Clearly this woman had no idea what Kakashi was up against.

“Sorry to…disappoint you” Kakashi said, voice low, and it was clear that he was feeling like shit about himself. Rei’s heart ached.

In the meantime, Might Guy had barged into the room with a look of sheer anticipation on his face. He could hardly contain himself. Triumphantly, Naruto raised a fist in the air and shouted, “Alright, that’s Kakashi-sensei! Now one more and you’re all done!”

How many people has this kid been dragging her around to heal? Rei thought to herself. Shizune finished bandaging her hand and smiled softly at the redhead. “Alright, that should do it” she said. She then reached over and lifted the kakute off the counter, looking it over quizzically. “You might want to wash this off with peroxide just to make sure you get all the blood off” she suggested. “There should be some right under here.” Rei watched as she leand down and began rummaging through the cabinet. Before she could find the bottle, however, Tsunade approached the door with her entourage and called for Shizune to join them. The brunette smiled back at Rei apologetically and then ran off. Well, at least her assistant is nice, Rei thought to herself as she watched them disappear, and then Rei and Kakashi were all alone.

A veil of silence draped over the couple in that hospital room. Now that this was all said and done, she almost feared what would happen next. Of course she was more than happy that he was awake and alright, but still. Where were they supposed to go from here?

“Three weeks, huh?” Kakashi then sighed, leaning back in bed. Rei nodded slowly, turning toward him.

“Yeah…” she said, toying with the kakute in her hands. “Three long weeks.”

“Is it true you stayed by my side the entire time?” he asked.

“Well, I mean…not the entire time” Rei said sheepishly. “Naru insisted I go home for some clean clothes and to sleep in an actual bed, but it didn’t really do much good.”

“I see” Kakashi said. He watched as Rei wrapped her bandaged hand gently around the ring and then waded closer, hesitantly sitting on the edge of the bed. “You didn’t have to do that, you know” he then said.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Stay here with me” Kakashi replied. “There wasn’t really any reason for you to.”

“That’s not true” Rei said. “If you were to finally wake up while I was gone…or worse…”

It was the or worse that really caught Kakashi’s attention. Did she really think he was going to die? Of course, he assumed that had he been in her position, he would’ve feared the same. At least she had kept her cool the entire time, as far as he knew. “Thank you, then” he said, reaching out and resting a hand lightly atop hers. “I’m glad you cared enough to stay.”

“Of fucking course!” Rei exclaimed. “You mean the world to me, I wasn’t about to leave you behind in a fucking coma.”

Kakashi chuckled and smiled at her, and Rei’s heart raced. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes and willed herself not to cry. No, not this time. She had already cried enough the past few weeks. And still, after all that time, she had been so terrified that she may never see that masked smile ever again. It was only natural she would get a little choked up, she assumed. Regardless, she refused to let her tears ruin a happy moment.

Kakashi let them revel in each other’s quiet company for a moment longer before his eyes drifted down to her bandaged hand, and his smile quickly faded. “Is your hand alright?” he asked. Rei chewed her bottom lip and nodded vigorously. “How did you hurt it, anyway? What stabbed you?”

Rei considered lying for a moment. In all her confident fanfare from earlier, she hadn’t considered how scary actually giving him the kakute would be. Perhaps a part of her assumed it was highly possible for him to stay asleep forever and she could simply cling to it with a strong sense of remorse for not being braver. But now here he was, wide awake and questioning. She didn’t want to damage their trust, and so she had no choice. Sucking in a deep breath, she replied, “I have something for you. I must have been stressed while I was asleep and squeezed my hand around it too tight. You don’t have to like it, I mean, you can give it back if you don’t want it but I mean…I’ve been holding onto it for a long time, and I was going to give it to you ages ago but never had the guts to, so, uh…yeah.” Kakashi eyed her expectantly. She huffed her bangs out of her face and then slowly unclenched her fist to reveal the ring in her hand, still stained with her blood. Kakashi blinked a few times, then reached out and picked it up, turning it over in his hands.

“Where did you get something like this?” he asked. She truly wasn’t sure if he meant that in a positive or negative connotation. Her anxiety raged.

“It was from Grandma Teiko’s arsenal of weird old stuff” she replied. “I was trying to find a good present for you a long time ago and thought this might be fitting but I don’t know, you don’t have to keep it if you don’t want to.”

“No, I want to” Kakashi replied quickly, smiling at her in reassurance. “I want to” he repeated. She watched as he reached over to tug a tissue out of the box near his bed and begin wiping the blood off of it, then slid it onto his left middle finger. He poked the spikes at the end, apparently satisfied with their sharpness. “This could really do some damage.”

“I would hope so” Rei replied. “I mean, that’s what it was made for.”

Kakashi nodded once, then slid the ring off and placed it on the nightstand. “So, you said you’ve held onto this for a long time. How long, exactly?” he asked. That was a loaded question. Did she really want to reveal her original intention? She averted her eyes and began picking at the dirt beneath her fingernail.

“A while…” she replied slowly. She glanced over to find her boyfriend arching a brow. So he wanted a real answer. Alright. She would have to be totally honest. “I was six. You had just been promoted to jonin. I wanted to give you something special to celebrate—I knew everyone else would—but I couldn’t figure out what, so of course I asked Grandma Teiko for advice and she suggested this.”

“What took you so long?” Kakashi then asked, laughing under his breath.

The weight of their broken past lingered on her shoulders. Then, finally, she murmured, “I was scared. Things changed. We…drifted. It didn’t feel appropriate anymore.”

“Oh…” Kakashi said, lowering his gaze. He turned to look at the ring once again, now suddenly catching the inscription on the front. The kanji for love. He hated to think that his child self would’ve likely written it off as a useless gift, shoving it into a drawer someplace and never touching it again. But now he was more mature. Now this gift had meaning. His mind flickered back to the ring he had hidden away in his closet, to his plans for the future. Even as he snuck off to the silversmith to get the ring crafted, he had been so uncertain of whether he was making the wrong decision, if he was moving too fast, if he was out of touch with what Rei wanted. This kakute, however, was a confirmation. A never-ending circle with love written right on the front of it. He reached across the bed and laced his fingers with hers, that smile returning to his face. She looked at him quizzically, uncertainly, as he pulled her closer and pressed his forehead against hers. Her eyes darted down to his lips for a split second, a silent wish, and he obliged. He tugged his mask down and kissed her gently, as if it was the first time, then whispered, “I think this was perfect timing.”

#kakashi hatake #rei natsuki #the scarecrow and the bell #naruto #naruto oc #fanfiction

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